Dealing with Reality
Dealing with the often harsh truth and the overwhelming reality of what is going on in your head is a formidable battle in itself. On top of that, having to manage all the challenging side effects of Sepsis can truly push you to the absolute limits of what you can possibly tolerate. At some point, that pressure cooker filled with stress and emotion has to pop, and finding a way to gently open that relief valve to release some of that built-up pressure to a more manageable and accepting degree is an incredibly tough challenge and a fine line to navigate.
Not everyone will experience this particular challenge, and I am not entirely sure how common it is among survivors, but for me, it has become a journey that I would not wish upon anyone else. It truly is an internal battle that you have to muster the strength to fight, whether you like it or not It’s a deep and personal struggle at the end of the day, this battle is not only difficult to navigate, but it’s also hard to explain to others. Trying to paint a simplistic picture for someone who hasn’t experienced it is nearly impossible—at least that’s how it feels for me.
This is truly the unpleasant and nasty side of the after effects of Sepsis. The muscle cramping, brain fog, and cognitive dysfunction along with a plethora of side effects that can arise at various times can be surprisingly irritating and uncomfortable, even at the best of times. However, this ongoing battle that arises within your head is not only challenging but also difficult to digest and expel from your daily experience. It can leave you feeling frustrated and overwhelmed as you navigate through these symptoms.
My cycling has been my lifeline, my essential support through the tumultuous journey of my illness and the challenging phases of my recovery. Now, after an intense and transformative five years, I can feel that pressure cooker of emotions reaching its maximum threshold once again. It's in these moments that we have to dig deep within ourselves to find the strength and means to release that overwhelming pressure. Reflecting on the resentment, bitterness, and anger that can accumulate inside us, I realize how profound these feelings can impact our lives and well-being, potentially leading us down a destructive path. Why me? Why do I have to endure such immense suffering when all I ever did was work diligently to maintain a healthy lifestyle? What is the true purpose of all this effort if all I seem to face is a relentless cycle of pain and hardship? Is that really the essence of what life is about? These profound questions echo repeatedly in my mind, compelling me to seek answers and find new methods to navigate through them. I may not bear the physical scars that some others do, and for that, I count myself fortunate; many survivors have faced far greater losses. Yet, often the battles we endure are invisible to the outside world and can be utterly devastating. It’s important to note that this struggle is not simply a battle against depression, which in itself is a massive mountain to scale—one that I sincerely hope to avoid—but rather a complex journey filled with frustration and the need for acceptance. This difficult path often lacks clear answers, leaving us grappling with the reasons behind our suffering and searching for meaning amidst the chaos.
Sure, you go on the internet and browse in an attempt to gather as much information as you can possibly find, but it often feels like there is no clear direction available to you. Well, at least as far as I know, if there is some sort of helpful direction out there, please let me know. It seems to be the same bullet points repeated over and over again: these are the side effects and the various symptoms associated with those effects. However, there is a distinct lack of information that can truly help guide you through these challenges. I understand that we are not all equal in our experiences—each of us endures different levels and degrees of side effects and symptoms. Yet, despite this individuality, the symptoms and side effects tend to remain the same, with nothing truly new emerging. So, I can't help but question why this is the case and whether it can’t be adequately addressed, as this appears to be the common denominator, but trying to adopt a one time solution to such a complex and diverse set of side effects can be an enormity to find progression…. Understood.
At the end of the day it is about controlling the controllables and managing the rest as best you can and using any form of process that can help you negotiate through the process for me it’s the 7 Step Plan along with the process of Good Habits, now some days are worse that others but it is important to put in extra effort and control on those days,it is important to note that professional help must always be seeked when needed.
I am not a professional in self-help or psychology by any means, but I have found a way to help me process this the best way I can and if this process and plan can help you or even suggest another form of assistance even better. The 7 Step Plan and process of Good Habits are available in my blogs page, have a read and it might just help!
Never give up Keep going
